It's weird. Many things that are talked about in this thread are simply not on my screen. What I want should be way simpler:
1. Customer A: bought several products for 5000 USD.

2. It is decided that part of their purchase will be reimbursed, 1000 USD.

3. I create a Credit Note for 1000 USD and sent it to them. They decide they want a refund.

4. There is now -1000 USD on the customer account.

5. I transfer them 1000 USD.

6. Why does Quickbooks refuse to give the option to connect the bank transaction of 1000 USD to the Credit note that was written. It even says in the top right 'Amount to refund'. That single step would get their balance correct again. Why is it that only Refund Checks can be connected with Bank Transactions.

I've tried getting it back to 0 by also writing a Refund Receipt and subtracting the refund amount from the original payment of 5000 USD. The problem is that than the amount of 1000 USD is subtracted twice (or even thrice?) from the Product Account. Besides it is not really a truthful representation.

In the past I have circumvented this problem by just writing Refund Checks, which result in correct bookings, but now a customer wants a document that states 'Credit Note'. So now I just want to do it correctly. 

If I use the original tutorial it falls apart with Step 3: From the Received from drop-down, select the Customer. Then, select the Discounts and Credits Icon.

There is no such thing as a Discounts and Credits Icon?